A Cold Chill

2 weeks ago shortly after my wife had her first sonogram we visited her doctor because he noticed somthing on her skin that he didn't like; he performed a biopsy and we were to visit him next week for the results.

That is, until he called us this morning informing my wife that the biopsy results came back saying that the area is pre-cancerous. You'll have to forgive my lack of technical terms but i'm a low-brow kinda guy and this is the best way I remember this.

Needless to say, my wife was devastated. Being diagnosed with vulva cancer, no matter how down-played, is not the best news to give a person who's hormones are on a roller coaster ride for a couple of months. I left my office and raced to my wife, weaving in and out of traffic not really noticing my highway neighbors, my mind intent on reaching my wife.

I made the 45 minute ride in 30 minutes. I opened our apartment door to see my wife calmly speaking to a family friend. Our network of friends have greatly relieved the stress and anxiety she's been experiencing in the last couple of weeks. She finished her conversation and then gave me a big hug, happy for my presence and gave me the rundown.

Her doctor gave us a specialist to speak to, we will consult with her on Thursday. The main goal is to remove the pre-cancerous tissue, depending on how far it has spread they may have to alter my wife's anatomy to allow for biological functions. My wife didn't consider the consequences of that, she only thought of the baby, as did her doctor. He scheduled a sonogram to see the condition and development of the fetus, he scheduled it for today, immediately.

We made it to the scheduled appointment and had to wait for an hour and a half since we were squeezed in. Actually we would have been there longer but her doctor called the office to make sure we were there, demanding he get the results the second the sonogram was completed. They rushed us in after determining it was us her doctor was inquiring after.

To make a long story short..........The baby is fine so far. They have not yet determined a sex but it's heart is beating fine and it's at 1.15 centimeters, about the size of a grape, we also were told that it would double in size in about 4 days. We also heard the heartbeat as well.


Over the years and more so recently, I have spoken with several of my friends that have had children and it appears that the defining moments for a father can be broken up into 4 distinctive stages during the pregnancy. The four are:


1. When he's notified he will be a father. This is the initial stage, it invokes either the fight or flight instinct. It sets the path that the potential father will follow.

2. When he hears the beating of the heart. This stage creates a tangible connection, it forges home the realization that there is an actual being involved. It also makes the point at a level that no man can deny, through the medium of television since that's all he can truly relate to with a sonogram machine. The sensory abilities of sound and sight are satisfied.

3. When he first feels the kicking of baby. Feeling the baby reacting in it's environment gives the father a sense of the child on another sensory level, that of touch.

4. When the baby is born. All the previous stages are the precursors to this point. This is when the fight or flight instinct is strongest. You either distance yourself from this child and leave it to 'mom' to handle things or you make concious decisions to change your life for the better determined to do right by your family.


Today i hit stage 2. We still have to deal with my wife's potential cancer and the concenquences, but it looks like we will have a full term baby, whether it's a vaginal or a cesarian birth that is yet to be determined. We'll have more information on Thursday.